Doodle Docudrama: The Great Uncle Wong's Food Court Incident

  

I'm not a fan of shopping malls, but when I happen to find myself stuck in one, I try to find ways to make it fun. Recently, I grew bored while waiting for a friend to try on a bunch of clothes, so I wandered toward the food court to see if I could find anything interesting to document.  I meandered past Cinnabon, Hot Dog on a Stick and was finally drawn toward Uncle Wong's Chinese Kitchen (name changed to protect my innocence). There were a dozen vats of food on display, all of it deep fried and covered in sticky sauce. You really couldn't tell one dish from the other and for some reason, this fact amused me. A worker shoves a fried thing impaled with a toothpick toward my face and demands, "Try a sample!"  No thanks!  I felt like a photo needed to be taken so I pointed my lens toward the Sweet and Sour Pork (or similar item) and snapped a shot. BIG mistake.

 

The guy behind the counter starts dramatically and LOUDLY freaking out.  He's screaming at me in high-pitched gasps and waving a serving spoon full of General Chow's Delight (or similar item) around in the air. "NOOOOOOO! Camera not allowed!! Not allowed!!!"  He's turning red, his face twisted with anger....I start to giggle.  I hear "NOOOOO! No No NOOOO!" barking behind me as I calmly walk away. I figured I better not take any more pictures, so I sit down at one of the tables and begin to sketching Angry Uncle Wong's Guy while waiting for my friend to join me.

About 10 minutes of peace pass and suddenly I'm aware of a hovering presence.  I look up and see what appears to be a pimple-faced kid dressed as a mall cop standing on a Segway. I think he looks cute, but realize it's a little early for Halloween.  "Excuse me ma'am," he warbles, "it's against mall policy to take photos of Chinese food."  Everyone in the food court is now staring at me. The Angry Uncle Wong's Guy who yelled at me comes running up to my table. "That's her," he screams, "she's the one!!"  I burst out laughing. The very unthreatening mall cop explains that the mall has "had lots of problems with people taking pictures" and that they "have to watch out for terrorists". Angry Uncle Wong's Guy demands I delete the offending photo. I sass back and tell them I already deleted it, but not before I emailed it to my operatives over at the secret underground bunker.  Sparky the Mall Cop laughed at my quip, but Angry Uncle Wong's Guy was still furious.  I wanted to snap a photo of them as they scolded me, but didn't want to push my luck. I hate when I wimp out.  Medium: Ink sketch in moleskine, digital color.

Comments

[Won Ton Tomato]

Aw, I wish I was there! Only I'd be the friend trying on clothes, missing all the drama. I guess the terrorists *have* won...at least, they've won the Mall Chinese Food War.

[Red]

It's not illegal for crying out loud! Paul Blart's nephew and Numb Duck Dork freaking out, what a tit-bouquet those two made. Joe Simpson would be thrilled.

[The Mave]

You did not wimp out, my Dear. You handled yourself very well throughout all these peoples utter nonsense, had a good laugh in their faces, (which they deserved), & got the last word in on the situation with this hilarious art post documentation!

You Rocked it at "Uncle Wong's Stanky Food-Court!!!!

(Are they crazy? Stickin' that nasty fried critter on a toothpick at you? You did good! They "Got, Got!" "NOOO Cartoon Allowed!!!" HA,HA,HA!).

[OneStonedCrow]

hehe ... so, is it against mall policy to take pics of Chinese food specifically?

... and is the mall cop riding a pogo stick?

you should have given the Angry Uncle Wong's Guy your web addy ...

[Viper Tetsu]

Please in the name of all that is holy and true, make an animated short out of this. And NARRATE. Your vivid verbal descriptions are the icing on the cake. Or the gloppy sweet-and-sour sauce on the animal flesh, as it were.

That photo of the fat-immersed breaded pork sludge looks like a really hideous, faded picture from a scary pre-PC Kraft cookbook.

[Serious Replies Only]

You are kidding me!! Terrorists???

[Renee Khan]

Love it you are so funny. How weird is that though?

Renee xoxo

[The Rural Modernist]

OMG that made me laugh and hungry all at the same time. The question is: did you still eat there? Are you sure he didn't, er, touch your food inappropriately?

[Erik]

I would have had to ask if it was okay to pictures of the non-Chinese food and whether the ban was in place from pressure from the Chinese government because they feared photographic evidence of their delicious but deadly lead spice.

Maybe they thought you were going to reverse-engineer their chicken thing?

Funny nonetheless.

[Erica]

Oy, I've gotten yelled at too!

Silliness.

[Vern]

What a tasty morsel!
Methinks Sparky would have been more than flattered if you took his picture! However, Noodle Boy's heart might have imploded from fright if you had snapped his mug, as he seemed mighty aware of the dangers of his becoming the special ingredient of fried tray # 4. What you call "wimping out" we call "saving a life".

[Glenn Maguire]

At one time I wanted to pen a tomb, and call it, "Mall!", the novel. No behavior outside the norm is tolerated, and that a rule was already in place about photographing chinese food,(and not for corporate espianage reasons, I might add.),sends me scurrying back to the keyboard to document the absurdity that is the place of worship of the vast army of the bland. Somehow, Segway man needs to see himself immortalized in drop dead glorious, fourteen cariciture. He musn't be denied his 15 minutes, although there is a mall rule about using likenesses of its employees, subject to swift and merciless expulsion.

[Tipsy]

Ha! The same thing happened to me in a little shop in China Town. Could this be a cultural thing?

[zoe]

oh, this is fantastic! great job, on everything. :D

[midevil]

Oh come on, like you didn't know that a photo will suck all the potency out of the MSG! Hee hee.

[El B]

Hahahahaha, you got told off in front of 100's. Damn, that food looks like death warmed up. Next time eat some and post pics of your vomit and diarrhea, maybe an artistic vile collage? :o)

[Bionic Squirrel]

Freaking hilarious. This made me laugh out loud.

[Shannon]

You can't make this stuff up! You are so funny!

[Kamala]

Man, they really took it over the top with you! I'm used to getting busted for this kind of thing, as you might imagine, but I've never gotten in quite this much trouble. Do they really think that you will use a shot of the nasty greasy Chinese food to commit terrorist acts..? Strange one.